The security of a Mother's love

A child thrives in a secure environment. The infant senses the comfort, safety and security his mother provides as she cuddles him. . She softly coos, smiles and physically nourishes her little “angel” as she holds him close to her breast.

From the beginning, a Mother’s love symbolizes absolute devotion; dedication to providing emotional security, safety for her individual offspring.

A Father’s role focuses on physically providing for the family unit. His duty is to provide a home, sustenance; his masculine presence is a promise of safety from harsh forces from the outside world. That he will not be involved in the care of his young children is seldom a point of conflict.

In the last half of the twentieth century, views changed; responsibility in family relationships shifted, robbing each member of the security provided by accepted social standards with expected benefits.

Relationships rotated 360 degrees from the “first comes love, next comes marriage, then comes the baby carriage” scenario, to the modern “sex, hopefully love, we’re pregnant, should we get married ?” soap operas that bring so many families into being in 2011.

Single parent families are the norm. Children spend more time with substitute caregivers than with family.

Home day care providers accept a unique responsibility; each child will be her ward for care during much of his trainable hours.

She accepts the responsibility for endeavoring to instill a feeling of comfort, safety and security as his Nanny, realizing while he is not in her care his parent will be enforcing family values. The wise daycare giver seeks to reinforce the parents’ values.

As a child matures, his caregiver must be alert.

A child reacts to circumstances from home; to the unobservant caregiver this behavior may mark him as stubborn, overly aggressive, sullen, uncooperative.

How unfortunate, this little person may be labeled “bad”. It is now that he needs reassurance, guidance, and love. A firm but gentle hand must guide him.

When a little girl has responded well to potty training, but suddenly reverts to infant behavior or another child begins to cry constantly or begins to demand excessive lap time, a wise Nanny recognizes a need for extra loving attention. She also has a responsibility to help a parent recognize and cope with the problem at home.

A daily report to Mommy of what has happened during the day; what was done to deal with the situation, will often result in a voluntary suggestion from the parent as to what the home situation is, but NEVER will a

caregiver ask or insinuate what she believes to be fact.

The advantage of volunteered information is a better understanding of care for needed by the child while at daycare.

Feeling happy, safe, loved

The family’s home life is not her concern; the care of child when in her care is.

Individual attention for each charge is an advantage of Home Day Care, with legally restricted limit ( in South Carolina) of 6 children.

An affective Home Day Care provider will not see herself as simply a babysitter.

She accepts the responsibility to instill a feeling of comfort, safety and security as her  Nanny, her responsibility to parents will be enforcing  their family values.

Bubbles is now eight months old.    She came into our world as a 4-6 week old infant.  For months she seemed to do nothing except sleep,  pee, poop, and eat.

So much growing in such a short time

“My word, is something wrong with this little being?” I impatiently wondered, in typical male fashion,  as I watched her being cared for.  She seems to give nothing.

At first the only evidence of personality clear to me is her insistence on being held,  immediately wanting diaper changes , and demanding feeding.   Her only talent is the ability to fall asleep instantly!

It amazes me how the women can get so excited over the simplest movement, smile, turn, coo.   And, oh Lord, I have learned, that a change in consistency, frequency, or color of a poopsy diaper can send a caregiver and mother into euphoric bliss or near hysteria, depending on the circumstance.

Another thing I have learned, as grandpa in the daycare,  when  invited  to dinner with my wife and an infant’s Mommy—do not order an avocado salad.   What is considered taboo for table discussion in  polite society, is exciting conversation between Grandma and Mommy!  Be damn, whoever else is at the table!!

Linda very patiently explains the expected monthly signs of progress–each thrilling advancement becomes a cause for celebration and excited reporting to me and to  Mommy when she come each evening.

It is truly amazing  to watch as this basically stationary, squirming human develops  skills.    Never realized  humans must  learn to focus eyes, smile, grasp, coo.    For some reason, I guess, I figure one day a little one just starts being…. well, human.    How much I have forgotten, or never knew.

Already all girl!

Just eight months in this world, already Bubbles is smiling, laughing, in her own way, talking.  She rolls over,  pulls up, tries to balance, crawls, all within a couple of weeks, it seems.  Her little eyes gleam with delight or glisten with tears.   She screams insistently for attention; then instantly turns off the tears when something  attracts her attention.

She is a little human in the truest sense.  She can turn on the feminine charm!   She steals my heart one minute, then drives  me insane the next.

I understand, more than ever,  why men should not have  children in their senior years.  As Grandpa in the daycare, I am free to walk away (Linda cares for them, after all.) I just happen to live in the daycare;  there is a degree of comfort knowing by 6 PM my home will  be a quiet haven until  morning.

All life’s experiences are  educational adventures.  Learning to use them as a way to better appreciate  the world and the efforts  that  bring us  where we are, makes us better people.   Better people make  a better world.

Our children are our hope for a better world, but they must learn from infancy to be caring, contributing members of society; not selfish, demanding leeches who take, but never give.

I recently read that a child’s personality at the age of 3 is pretty much what it will be as an adult of 23.   That is a scary.

It places an awesome responsibility on the shoulders of  daycare workers; children, like Bubbles, are in daycare most of their waking hours;  women like Linda accept the challenge to mold minds and hearts.

A good daycare provider must always remember she is a tutor.  Her responsibility is to direct and lead her charges so that they will  respond to the teachings of those who have the legal and moral responsibility for their care — their parents.

and causes bruising, swelling, and bleeding, which can lead to permanent, severe brain damage or death.

children younger than 2 years old, but may be seen in children up to the age of 5.

SBS can result in death, mental retardation or developmental delays, paralysis, severe motor dysfunction, spasticity, blindness, and seizures.

Emergency treatment for a baby who has been shaken usually includes life-sustaining measures such as respiratory support and surgery to stop internal bleeding and bleeding in the brain.  Doctors may use brain scans, such as MRI and CT, to make a more definite diagnosis.

In comparison with accidental traumatic brain injury in infants, shaken baby injuries have a much worse prognosis. Damage to the retina of the eye can cause blindness.

The Face of Brain Injury                 Brain Injury Awareness Month

Art Linkletter had demonstrated the popularity of such an endeavor almost twenty years earlier in his popular “House Party” broadcast. In those days of enforced innocence I think the popularity of this type presentation lay in the fact that censors would allow innuendos to pass if they came from lips of three to eight year old kids.

During an ArtLink letter “House Party” broadcast a memorable answer came from a five year old Daddy’s Darling little blonde.

The question: “What is the funniest thing you have ever seen you Daddy do?”

“Well, he put his pajamas on to go to bed” she innocently answered.

Those of you who remember Art Linkletter recall the tone of his voice when he was speaking to the children; it was professional, but with a teasing lilt that clearly indicated he was expecting comedic effect.

He asked : “And why was that so funny?”

This innocent little angel fires back without hesitation: “Cause he pulled them off when he got in bed.”

She giggled, the audience roared with applause, the host pretended to be shocked. In those days Dad probably squirmed and Mommy blushed demurely. Times have changed.

One of the pleasant benefits of being around the modern generation of infants, toddlers, and young children is a realization that they have an astonishing ability to draw conclusions early on that floor adults. Sometimes they are funny; other times they can be downright frustrating.

Linda follows a pre-school plan during the year when she has age three and up enrolled in the daycare. I have been amazed how at involved these kids can become. Even with limited attention spans they absorb information like little sponges.

One of my favorite incidences occurred during a class last year when she was working with three youngsters who were scheduled to enter kindergarten the following school term.

She was teaching the differences in sizes of people i.e. baby, child, adult.

They chant answers in unison.

“What is Polly?” She ask, pointing to the crib.

“A baby”

“What is Mommy?”

“An adult?”

She goes through a list of others to be sure they understood the concept. They got it right every time.

I sat in an adjoining room quietly watching and listening to this group of little geniuses; taking great pleasure in what an effective teacher my wife was. She concluded the session with:

“Okay class, one last question: What is Grandpa?”

I almost fell out of my chair when I heard a chorus of three giggling voices answer without thought, or hesitation:

“A BIG KID!”

Linda had worked in larger licensed day care centers so had the advantage of experience. She was responsible for six infants. With short notice, that facility closed. Several of the parents asked if she would continue caring for their children.

The decision was made to convert one room into a nursery and hang out a shingle. Seems simple, right? Well……not really.

Here’s what we knew:

1. Home daycare providers are allowed to care for 6 children.
2. County (or town) license would be necessary to operate a business
3. Three families wanted to use her services

She got the business license, prepared the room, bought baby furniture and equipment; she was up and running. No problems, until…………

It was not long until the question had to be settled. Did our granddaughter count as one of six or could Linda care for six in addition to a family member? The local DSS office could not answer the question; but suggested that she call the state offices in Columbia, SC. She did.

Her question: How many children am I allowed to care for in a home day care?

Their question: Are you registered?

Linda had understood that a business license was necessary so her answer was “Yes, I have my business license.” She then learned that the law in South Carolina is:

May provide care for up to six (6) children at any given time within a residence occupied by the operator. Registration is required if a person provides care to more than one unrelated family of children on a regular basis (more than two days a week and more than four hours a day). http://childcare.sc.gov/main/general/programs/licensing/facilitiesreqs.aspx#fcch

That very day a representative from DSS was sitting in our living room interviewing us and offering to get everything in order.

Legally, the children should have been taken out of our house until registration was finalized, but the representative helped us overcome that while we got fingerprinted, and took care of the other requirements. Our experience has been very positive with DSS from their first involvement.

Registration definitely has its advantages, aside from minimal government supervision, DSS helps provide programs that benefit the children as well as the provider.

Going into business involved a little more than we expected, but it has not been difficult to operate legally. The only time we actually would see DSS if we request their help or if something should go wrong and they receive a complaint bout us. http://childcare.sc.gov/main/general/programs/licensing/facilitiesreqs.aspx#inspect

How has it gone? It is difficult to stick to the infant to 4 year age range. You get so darned attached to these little charges. They start to pre-school and you hope they can stay just half day with you, but alas, they must move on! Good to know others are waiting for a vacancy.

Little Man’s mom called last evening with the news that he will not be here all week. When his temperature spiked at 105 degrees over the weekend, a quick trip to emergency care revealed flu (not piggy) as well as a severe ear infection, AGAIN. Guess who is to have ear tubes put in soon.

Boy, what a difference two days can make. Remember I told you that Bubbles had begun to interact last week. Well, she came in this morning all bundled in her boo suit, saw Linda and gave her the biggest smile you have ever seen. She reached out, wanting out of Mommie’s arms. (Sorry Mom, she does still love you!) Cooing and smiling, she was a contented baby until Linda put her into the swing, then she demonstrated that her little burst of protest have taken on a new dimension as well. But later we find the colic is still part of her daily existence……poor baby.

I stay awake til the wee hours of the morning (by choice) so I sleep later . (Oh, lazy me! Nope for 20 years I was up before 5 AM, now if I want to sleep-that’s my guiltless privilege. By the way, Linda does not really buy that either. What’s she going to do… Fire me?)

Anyway, what I was about to say: I awoke to hear a lecture going on outside our bedroom door (right next to the playroom). It went something like this:

(I will not use names to protect the guilty)

“Do you know what I found in this drawer” (a little drawer in a toy vanity)

“Un huh!!”

“What?” “I peed in it.” stated with a touch of pride.

“Why? Don’t you know Little Man might have gotten  into it?”

The guilty one grins to himself, shrugs his shoulders, and promptly becomes involved in something else.

Now Linda, you are of the female persuasion so you will never understand what this event meant to that kid. He is growing into manhood. This his first independent act to define himself. He is instinctively marking his territory. It marks his first discovery of his abilities.

You see for several years he had mindlessly wet a diaper and you dried him. Last week he began to realize he could take care of his own needs, you and Mommy were so proud–you told everybody–whether they cared or not. But you see, until that day with the drawer, he always sat…but low and behold! That day he discovered he could stand and create a stream!! He had to try it out!! How far could it go? He had to find out…….WOW! All the way into that drawer.. WOW!! It’s a boy thing.

This is where you come in. God gives us males the ability, some more, some less. It is for you gentle females to teach us early that God did not intend for the whole world to see our accomplishment!!

Bubbles, this is a 3 month old cutie who is growing so fast. A head full of auburn hair right now, she occupies Linda’s lap most of the time when not sleeping. Beautiful eyes, and a warming smile break each time she makes a new discovery. She is Little Man’s cousin.

Little Man is one year old. Just began walking a couple weeks ago, he is an independent little cuss! Linda’s lap was his special spot before Bubbles showed up, cousin or no, he is not happy with her usurpation of his spot. My special buddy, he wants me to overrule Linda’s “No’s”! Pouty lips and forced tears let me know he is unhappy with me when I, too, tell him to forget it! He has beautiful light chocolate skin, brown eyes. His soft curly hair got shaved last weekend. Drats!!

Dennis and Charlie, brothers aged two and five. What a pair! Dennis knows how to push Charlie’s buttons. If he has dirty deeds he wants performed he quietly sends poor Charlie on the mission, then rats on little brother. Linda caught on fast, but he still tries! Dennis is in school most of the day.

Philly is a petite little load of dynamite!! She loves horses and helps Daddy with their care. Long hair swishing, long slim jeaned legs in pointed toe cowgirl boots makes it easy to imagine her in later years as a galloping wonder. She is Little Mama, talking a mile every half minute, busily caring for her dolls or any of the younger ones she can corral. Loves to give direction about everything!

Missy is our pride and joy. Eight years old now, Granny Lee has cared for from birth. My youngest daughter’s baby , we have watched her grow to become an athletic young lady, learning to balance school, studies, and extra curricular actives. She displays characteristics of leadership and exceptional determination.

There they are. Six little people that depend on Linda to help them grow into kids ready to face the challenges of pre-school and beyond. She will work with each as he matures teaching the skills needed for that first year in the outside world. It is a challenge. She loves it….most of the time. She sees her job as not just a baby sitter, but as a teacher.

Each is so different, yet so much the same.

In a daycare this can spell disaster or it can be a blessing. Today it was a blessing.

The littlest ones were content to quietly play or sleep all day. The baby seems to be getting past the colic stage, her system is balancing itself; for the first time this week she did not have a colossal blowout ; my little man did not have his older buddy’s here to stimulate (read that aggravate) him, so he contentedly strew toys around, hid them in the diaper pail or napped the time away. Little mama arrived in time for lunch, spent the rest of the day with her babies (dolls) or quietly wrecked the playroom.

The brothers are still at home with Mom recuperating from the flu and my granddaughter was back in school. Just an upset tummy yesterday, thankfully. When she got home, even she was satisfied to spend the rest of the day doing I do not know what–when we would check she was sitting calmly.

My granddaughter, whose mother is a nurse, was the first to get sick.   She felt bad, wanting to sleep all the time; the doctors diagnosed it as H1N1 and put her to bed.  Recovered over weekend and is back at school.

Great!  that meant all of us here at the daycare had been exposed!  It is really not very comforting to be told by the medical professionals that we needed to remember H1N1 is just another virus of the common cold; that it should not cause undue concern.   I wish they would explain what UNDUE concern is.   I hate wearing surgical mask! And hand washing ALL DAY LONG!!  Ever notice how kids, when you have them wash their hands, will immediately stick their finger in their noses and mouths!!  Uhh!

Well, it has now hit the schools.   Day before yesterday one of our Dad’s had to pickup his son from school.  Guess what he has?   Yep! the pig’s tail is showing.  So for the rest of the week he and his brother are being care for at home.   Our granddaughter had to be taken home yesterday, supposedly with an upset stomach this time.   Guess we’ll see.

You might be interested in this site.  It contains some interesting information on swine flu.  I  love the cool, calm way they discuss this……….whatever it is.  Just wish the news  reports had not already convinced us it is REALLY a cause for concern.

http://pediatrics.about.com/od/swineflu/a/509_timeline.htm